Whistleblowers Anonymous

Whistleblowers Anonymous

Three men and two women recently joined the Whistleblowers Anonymous. The moderator asked them to be seated with the other members in a circle and then he explained the rules to the new members.

Moderator: Welcome to Whistleblowers Anonymous. We only have two rules. Rule No. 1 is “Use an alias, not your real name.” Rule No. 2 is “Do not lie.” Understand?
All: Yes!

Moderator: Very good. Okay, let’s hear from our new members. Please tell us why you’re here and share with us your experience as a whistleblower. Who wants to be first?
J-Loz: Me! Just call me J-Loz. I’m here because I blew the whistle on Gloria, Mike, Benjie, and Romy. They were involved in a bribery scandal and overpricing a contract with a contractor from China. To make my story short, Benjie and Romy are now facing trial in court. But Gloria and Mike are untouchable because that crazy Ombudsman was protecting them. Now, I’m in big trouble because the Ombudsman is giving me hell! She filed all kinds of fabricated charges against me. But the good news is the House of Representatives is now in the process of impeaching the Ombudsman. I plan to testify against the Ombudsman. Lintik lang ang walang ganti!

Moderator: Excellent. You’re doing the right thing, J-Loz. Who’s next?
Georgie Boy: Call me Georgie Boy. I decided to join this group because I need your advice.

Moderator: That’s what we’re here for, Georgie Boy. Go ahead and tell us your story.
Georgie Boy: Well, I’m a retired Lt. Col. with the Army. I was the budget officer of the Armed Forces of the Philippines. I worked under the Comptroller who worked for the Chief of Staff. I took care of the “books” for the multi-billion “slush funds” which the Chief of Staff and the Comptroller controlled. To make my story short, I blew the whistle on three former Chiefs of Staff and two former Comptrollers for the massive corruption that was going on in the use of the “slush funds.” We’re looking at P179 billion unaccounted money that went in and out of the “slush funds.”

Moderator: That’s a lot of moolah! How can we help you, Georgie Boy?
Georgie Boy: I’m scared. As you probably heard, my former Chief of Staff whom I implicated in the corruption involving the “slush funds” died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. I feel guilty for what happened to him. I want to kill myself too!

Moderator: Don’t do that, Georgie Boy! We need you to send them to jail.
J-Loz: Yes, be strong, Georgie Boy. We’re all here for you.
Hydra: Yes, Georgie Boy, we’re with you. I almost did the same thing but I have a mission to accomplish to punish these corrupt generals.

Moderator: Excuse me, but could you please tell us who you are?
Hydra: Oh, I’m sorry. Just call me Hydra. I was an auditor with the Commission on Audit. I’m familiar with Georgie Boy’s problem cuz I was the one who audited the “slush funds.” I was pressured to “fix” the audit to cover the anomalies but I refused. After receiving threats to my life, I decided to quit. But like you, Georgie Boy, I blew the whistle on them. I’ll expose all their shenanigans especially that arrogant Ombudsman! Hala bira!
Georgie Boy: Yeah! Let’s kick the Ombudsman out! One for all, all for one!
J-Loz: Impeach! Impeach! Impeach!

Moderator: Okay, okay, that’s enough, guys. Now, let’s hear from this gentleman here.
Supremo: Call me Supremo cuz I’m supreme. Hehehe… Well, it’s hard to remain anonymous because if I told you my story, you’d know who I am.
J-Loz: Hey, I know you! You’re one of Gloria’s midnight appointees! You’re the Midnight Chief Jus… Omigosh!

Supremo: Okay, okay, it’s me.
Hydra: Hoy, what brought you here — to spy on us? Shame on you!
Supremo: No! No no no! I’m here because I’ve been accused of being a whistleblower. I don’t know what to tell you. I’m depressed. I want to cry! Wah wah…

Moderator: Okay, Supremo, why don’t we skip your story for now and let’s have the last person here tell us her story. Ma’am?
Gutsy: Call me Gutsy because that’s what I really am – gutsy and ballsy, too!
J-Loz: Gutsy na, ballsy pa! Do you have cojones? Hehehe…
Gutsy: Hoy, I know who you are! I have more cojones than you!

Moderator: Stop it! Excuse me but we have a policy in this group – you can’t cover your face. So could you please remove your oversized dark glasses, Gutsy?
J-Loz: Hey, guys! It’s the Ombudsman! Hear that? The Ombudsman!
Georgie Boy: What the heck are you doing here? You’re not a whistleblower! Actually we’re going to blow the whistle on you for protecting Gloria and Mike!
Hydra: Yep! And you have the guts to come here? You’re spying on us! You should be impeached! Alis dyan!
J-Loz: How dare you file fake charges against me! Yes, you should be impeached! And you, Supremo, you’d better not protect her or we’ll have you impeached, too!
Supremo: You’re on your own now, Gutsy. I can’t protect you anymore. Wah wah…

Gutsy: You can’t impeach me! I still have Gloria and Mike to protect me from all of you! You can’t touch me! I’m untouchable! Mga walang hiya! Hahaha…
Georgie Boy: I don’t know about that, Gutsy. But it looks like the House of Representatives has more than enough votes to impeach you and the Senate seems to be in favor of removing you from office once you’re impeached by the House. You’re toast! You’re history! Hehehe…
Hydra: And here’s another good news! A congressman is filing an impeachment petition to impeach eight justices for betrayal of public trust… including you, Supremo!
Supremo: Wah wah…
Moderator: Stop crying, Supremo!

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Disclaimer: This is a fictional story and all characters are also fictional.