“Hello, Garcia”

“Hello, Garcia”

My investigative reporter James Macaquecquec reported that a new wiretapped conversation — similar to the “Hello, Garci” tapes a few years ago — surfaced in Manila recently. James sent me a copy of the tape. The conversation goes like this:

Garcia: Hello, Garcia here.
Caller: Hello, Garcia.

Garcia: Who is calling?
Caller: I won’t mention my name cuz somebody might be recording this conversation. But you should recognize my voice by now.

Garcia: Of course! I recognize your voice, ma’am. How can I forget your voice? It’s one of a kind. He he he… You’re the same person who called “Garci” a few years ago, right?
Caller: That’s right, Garcia.

Garcia: How can I help you, ma’am?
Caller: Well, I’m concerned that I might be dragged into the Senate investigation on the “pasalubong” and “pabaon” scandal involving my chiefs of staff during my presidency.
Garcia: It looks like you’re going to be investigated ma’am cuz Angie – may he rest in peace — sent a letter to Sen. Trillanes, through an emissary, asking him if he knew who was the “powerful person” who was protecting me.

Caller: Did Trillanes say who was protecting you?
Garcia: No, ma’am. All he said was it was probably somebody in Malacanang – which means… you!

Caller: That’s very bad. Now, tell me, if the senators ask you who was protecting you, are you going to rat on me?
Garcia: Well, ma’am. I won’t rat on you if you’d give me a ‘pabaon’ cuz you got the lion’s share from the ‘slush funds,’ right?

Caller: Look, I’ve been your loyal friend and protector, Garcia. Is this how you’re going to repay me?
Garcia: But ma’am, you should be the one to repay me for being your “laundry man.”

Caller: Okay, okay, if you’ll keep quiet, I’ll give you 10% of my take. Which Swiss bank account would you like it wired to?
Garcia: That’s fine with me ma’am but I want to make sure I won’t be short changed like you did to the other generals. How much exactly is 10%?
Caller: Well, let me think… 10% of P2 billion… is P200 million. Yes, I’ll wire P200 million to your Swiss bank account as soon as you sign an affidavit absolving me of any involvement in the “slush funds.” Garcia: Affidavit? Well, that would cost you another 5%, ma’am.

Caller: You’re greedy, Charlie! Buwaya kang talaga!
Garcia: Charlie? I am not Charlie, ma’am.

Caller: Huh? Aren’t you retired Maj. Gen. Carlos Garcia who is being investigated by the Senate on his plea bargaining agreement with the Ombudsman?
Garcia: No, ma’am, I am not Maj. Gen. Carlos Garcia. I am Special Agent Jose Garcia of the National Bureau of Investigation. I’m assigned to investigate your alleged role as the “powerful person” behind Maj. Gen. Carlos Garcia.

Caller: I’m going to deny that this conversation took place! Ha ha ha…
Garcia: Ma’am, our conversation is being taped right now and is also being broadcast live in the Senate Blue Ribbon Committee currently investigating corruption in the military.

Caller: I don’t believe it. You’re bluffing!
Garcia: No, ma’am, I’m not bluffing. Here… listen to the senators.

Sen. Defensor-Santiago: Hello, Gloria. This is your old friend, Miriam. I heard everything you told Special Agent Garcia.
Sen. Ponce-Enrile: Hello, Gloria. This is your old mentor, Johnny. Sorry, I can’t help you this time. Looks like you’re toast!
Sen. Estrada: Hello, Gloria. This is Jinggoy Estrada, son of President Joseph Estrada whom you ousted in 2001. What goes around comes around. Ha ha ha…
Sen. Trillanes: Hello, Gloria. This is Sonny Trillanes, your former political prisoner. Gotcha! May you rest in pieces. He he he…
Caller: You’re all wrong! This is not Gloria! Mga walang hiya kayong lahat!

The caller then hung up.