To be or not to be (married)

To be or not to be (married)

A pinay’s guide to getting hitched

There’s a process to becoming a bride.

To be clear, I’m not referring to legal logistics. What I’m talking about are the decisions one makes on the road to marriage. If you’re still at the starting point, I must warn you it’s not an obvious path.

First, before anything else, you have to choose whether or not you want to be alone. This comes before getting engaged, dating, and simply making yourself available. Committing to a relationship means you’re open to the idea of sharing your life with someone, and allowing yourself to be vulnerable in all the best and worst ways. Long-term commitments are scary for some, and impossible for others. And, let it be known, there is nothing wrong with choosing to be single. Get to know yourself best before letting someone else in.

If you’ve axed the idea of becoming a lifelong bachelor or bachelorette, now comes the hard part. That is, finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. It sounds simple, but finding a compatible person takes stamina. The lucky ones find their lifelong mates early on, but the average person will have to sort through a few duds before finding their match. At this point, it’s easy to get discouraged, but my advice to those who are still searching is: don’t give up!

Say odds work out in your favour and you’ve found Mr. or Miss Right. No one says they have to be perfect. The only condition is you must love them unconditionally.

A year or two come and go. Then, another five fly by and, suddenly, you’re ten years down the road. Before you decide when to get married, ask yourself do you want to get married?

Some of us come from traditional families where marriage often sounds like the only option. Though I followed these footsteps, I’m a proponent of living together on your own terms.

Maybe you want to wait until you’re married before moving in together. Maybe you want to live together first and figure out if your lives can be synchronized before signing the dotted line. And maybe, just maybe, you choose to live under the same roof for the rest for your lives without sharing the same last name.
We all have different ideas and expectations of love and happiness. Figure out what it means to you, and pursue it.

Jackie is a communications, graphic design and event planning professional in Winnipeg. Follow her at @jackiedwild on Twitter or Instagram!