Troublemaker vs. Troubleshooter

Troublemaker vs. Troubleshooter

A battle royale is looming on the horizon between P-Noy’s Chief Troublemaker, Rico E. Puno, and his soon-to-be Chief Troubleshooter, Mar Roxas. It would make the gunfight at OK Corral look like kids playing “Bang bang you’re dead!” during school recess. Well, let’s see who’s going to win: Rico the “Chief Troublemaker” who’s good at shooting or Mar the “Chief Troubleshooter” who’s good at making trouble. Indeed, trouble is brewing again between Mar’s “Balay” faction and the “Samar” faction. With P-Noy’s “shooting buddy” Rico leading the “Times Street” faction, it’s going to be a three-way labo-labo among P-Noy’s groupies.

Meanwhile, Rico is missing! Nobody has seen him since the August 23 Luneta bloodbath and the “jueteng payola scandal. The buzz is that since P-Noy doesn’t have the heart to fire his “shooting buddy,” he transferred him to the government’s special “15-30” program; that is, he shows up every 15th and 30th of the month to pick up his paycheck.

It seems like the “Balay” faction was rooting for Atty. Romulo Macalintal to be appointed the next Comelec chairman while the “Samar” faction was rooting for Atty. Sixto Brillantes. Well, these are two good lawyers but Macalintal was linked to ex-prez Gloria Macapagal Arroyo as her “troubleshooting” election lawyer.

“Hello Mac”… A consortium of several groups, including the watchdog “Kontra Daya,” released a statement saying: “While Atty. Macalintal is viewed by many as a ‘competent’ election lawyer, his consistent defense of Gloria Macapagal Arroyo and the fraudulent results of the 2004 elections and the succeeding ‘Hello Garci’ scandal in 2005 do not make him fit for the job.” Hmm… Wouldn’t that be likened to President Benigno “P-Noy” Aquino III appointing Don Vito Corleone’s consigliere as the Ombudsman? I bet that Gloria must be tickled pink at the prospect of Macalintal getting the powerful post. I can just see Gloria calling, “Hello Mac.”

But Sixto is P-Noy’s man… The truth of the matter is that Sixto Brillantes will be the next Comelec chairman. Poor Mac was thrown into the desert to attract the vultures and distract them from attacking Sixto. Indeed, Machiavelli is back in the game — the end justifies the means. And P-Noy is learning fast! Yup, just like driving a Porsche in the fast lane – it’s aphrodisiac.

P-Noy’s new toy… All P-Noy wanted was to trade in his karag-karag BMW for a third-hand Porsche sports car for P4.5 million and now he’s in big trouble with his “boss,” the Filipino people. Little did he know that a “cheap” used Porsche would create trouble. Yup, buying a Porsche while the poor were eating “pagpag” reminds me of Marie Antoinette telling the hungry French people to eat cake.

P-Noy was probably thinking of impressing his girlfriends driving them around at 150 kilometers an hour at Roxas Blvd in the wee hours like those spoiled kids of rich people. Yup, P-Noy is like a spoiled rich kid who has grown but refuses to grow up.

Now, there’s a question about the provenance of his new-used Porsche sports car. He claimed he bought it for P4.5 million but there is a buzz going around among Facebook denizens that P-Noy did not buy that Porsche; it was a gift from an architect friend of his who would benefit from “cornered” government contracts. Now, what the heck does “cornered” mean? Hmm… No! No no no! I don’t believe that. People say that P-Noy is honest and incorruptible. Besides if he did something like that, it would be in billions, not a “cheap” third-hand Porsche. But like they say, “everybody has a price.” It’s just a matter of how much you’re worth. And if you asked Gloria, whew, $20,000 dollars (P1million) for dinner at Le Cirque in New York City would just be for starters.

The Joker is wild… A word war erupted between Sen. Joker Arroyo and Sen. Antonio “Sonny” Trillanes IV over Sonny’s expenditures. Joker’s peeve was that Sonny spent P21.136 million in 2009 while he was in detention for rebellion charges.

Trillanes’ expenditures made him the fourth biggest spender in the Senate, behind Sen. Jinggoy Estrada (P21.7 million), Sen. Gregorio Honasan ((P21.6 million) and former senator and now President Benigno Aquino (P21.5 million).

Sonny’s defense was that his expenses went to salaries of 44 staffers while Joker had only three. Sonny said his staff filed 347 bills while Joker filed none. Eighteen of Sonny’s bills passed and became law. Sonny said that Joker, in all his 18 years as a legislator, failed to file a bill, and yet spent P15 million in 2009. “Where did he spend that?” asked Sonny. Sonny said that makes Joker the “laziest.” Ugh! That hurts!

And all Joker could say was: “Why should I be bothered by a mosquito.” Hehehe… If there’s one thing that Joker wouldn’t deny, he’s wild… like a wild turkey. He can be acey, he can be deucey; but he can’t have what Sonny has, cojones hard-boiled during seven years of detention.

The third highest spending senator in 2009 was then Sen. Benigno Aquino III who spent P21.5 million. In the three years that he was in the Senate, P-Noy filed nine bills. It’s not clear how many of his bills were passed into law. But that’s a moot point cuz he’s now the Prez.

Lessons of the story… (1) He who talks the loudest is the laziest, (2) He who spends lots of money is the top producer, (3) He who has cojones always wins the argument, and (4) He who does not perform moves up to the top of the heap. That’s Pinoy politics.

No guts, no glory… Rebel officer Lawrence San Juan refused to apply for amnesty because of the amnesty requirement that he admit guilt. Instead he wants the judge to promulgate the verdict. If the verdict is “not guilty,” San Juan will be a free man. If the verdict is “guilty,” he will be incarcerated for a long time. He’s what I call a man with steel cojones.

Gung hay fat choy… It’s in the news: “P-Noy is mulling declaration of Chinese New Year as holiday.” P-Noy seems to bend over backwards just to please our giant neighbor. First, he boycotted the Nobel Peace Prize award ceremony on Oslo to accede to China’s demand. And now he wants to pay tribute to China by commemorating their New Year.

P-Noy won’t run again… Yup, that’s what he said, “I will not to seek election for any other political post in 2016.” Well, there was more to it than that. My investigative reporter James Macaquecquec told me that he got a scoop from insiders that the reason P-Noy won’t be running again is that he’d like to spend the rest of his adult life driving his Porsche. P-Noy’s latest statement to the media seems to collaborate what James told me: “My reflexes might not be the same 10 years from now. I will not be [limited to] playing video games just so I could experience that [rush of driving a sports car].” Indeed, P-Noy has three loves in his life: fast cars, guns, and video games.

There was a story during the 2010 presidential campaign when P-Noy’s campaign entourage was taking a break somewhere in Bulacan. P-Noy was closeted in his trailer alone for two hours while everybody else was hanging around outside. My source, who was a campaign volunteer, asked one of the top aides what P-Noy was doing inside the trailer all by himself. The top aide told him that P-Noy was playing with his Xbox 360.

Indeed, with P-Noy’s Porsche, his “shooting buddy,” and his Xbox 360, he’s got everything he needs to enjoy la dolce vita of the rich and famous.