“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”—Mark Twain
Kindness is authentically putting the needs of others forward more than those of the self. It is a gesture done within the capacity of an individual to be of assistance to another who, due to certain limitations, could not function at the time being, in the normal sense of the word. More so, it is learning to look beyond one’s thoughts, not expecting others to act, think, and feel the same way as one does. On the contrary, it is what may be perceived as psychological manipulation. Also, being mindful of one’s own thoughts, actions, and/or response (as an effect) is in itself, being kind.
The impact of actions, more than words, is greater than one could ever realize. This may leave either a positive or a negative impression and experience upon others, depending on a person’s conduct of the gesture extended. As an old adage goes, “People may not remember what you said, or what you did; but they will always remember how you made them feel.”
Kindness may be defined also as “the quality or characteristic of being friendly, generous, and considerate.” Affection, gentleness, warmth, concern, mindfulness, and care are words associated with the conduct of kindness.
Mindfulness with one’s actions and words begins with these three questions: 1) Is it true?, 2) Is it necessary?, and 3) Is it kind?
Humans are social beings; and in this case, caring is an innate reaction to a situation or another’s state of being as dictated by instinct. A person’s upbringing and the community/environment where he was raised play a big role in his response or action, as well as in the decisions that he makes.
Obversely, being kind doesn’t mean that a person is blind and passive. One can set boundaries and still work with caution according to one’s own personal principles, while being mindful of human tendencies and certain interests. Nevertheless, the ‘kind approach’ will always be the best choice, as the lack of kindness is often the cause of many interpersonal problems.
KINDNESS INVOLVES BALANCE
In the truest sense, kindness requires much confidence and strength as one deals with another person who has the same humanistic qualities; having the same abilities to think and reason. Because of this—and although it may be innately instinctive for a person who has a balanced emotional, physical, and mental makeup—it is not easy and would still take a lot of practice to achieve.
The following are some opportunities in which one can express kindness.
Leading by Example. Anytime and anyplace is an opportunity to lead.
Putting an End to Negative Criticisms. Loving and caring (alone) should not include maligning and criticizing another unnecessarily. Constructive criticisms, however, are encouraged, for their primary purpose is for the improvement or refinement of the individual. Smart shaming (or “anti-intellectualism” – the act of mocking someone who is smarter than others), discrimination, and throwing of insults should be avoided.
Appreciating Dedication and Accomplishment. Recognizing the effort extended in performing a task motivates a person into doing his best, knowing that his work is valued.
Recognizing Each Other’s Strengths and Weaknesses. For a relationship to work, knowing the areas in which the persons involved gel well and where they fall short is a big help.
Identifying each other’s rooms for improvement and then providing possible solutions and steps for positive change may turn weaknesses into strengths.
KINDNESS IS UBIQUITOUS
Sometimes, many people practice kindness in the most common means without being aware of it. Helping a frail-looking, elderly lady cross the street is one example. Ensuring that she is okay before leaving her on her own afterwards is a plus factor.
Another example is welcoming or orienting a new employee on the ways and means around the department; this gesture is not only motivational but also an indication that a culture of kindness exists among the staff members in the workplace.
Add to this, the sharing of homemade food amongst coworkers during break times, as well as the pride in the preparation of the food and the invitation for others to partake in its enjoyment, is also a display of kindness.
In marriage, kindness is one of the most important indicators of satisfaction and stability. It is one of the main ingredients to a couple’s successful and fulfilling life together. Giving and receiving accurate feedback from each other in a loving and caring way and being mindful of their respective actions and considerate of their feelings towards each other are some more important aspects of a relationship that is founded on kindness.
While all these may sound more about acts and efforts towards others, the individual to whom one should show kindness first is the self. For before one can effectively express kindness to others, one’s kindness towards oneself needs to be nurtured first.
Ultimately, kindness strengthens the bond among family members, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances. Learning to empathize, sympathize, apologize when necessary, and be grateful are valuable behavioral traits that people should exercise and nurture within. Always consider the notion of being kind.
Nemo dat quod non habet [“One cannot give what one does not have”].
*Currently working at the Philippine International Convention Center, where she began service 21 years ago, *Kathryn Valladolid Ebrahim was an alumna of St. Scholastica’s College and finished a degree in Bachelor of Arts, Major in Sociology, at the University of Santó Tomás.
