When we think of our childhood, it is possible for us to remember habits or rules of our parents that irritated us. The vast majority of us thought at some point “No way I’m going to do this when I have children”.
And yet, when it is our turn to educate the youngest ones in the house… we repeat the same things that annoyed us so much. Why is that?
Most of what we learn as children we learn from our parents. The way they raised us, for example, is deeply ingrained in our subconscious.
If my parents were very demanding and disciplinary with me, I am likely to think that this is the best way to raise a child. Even if I didn’t like it when I was growing up. “But look, I turned out fine.”
Empathy is Parenting 101. We must be able to put ourselves in our children’s shoes, to think about how our behavior as parents may affect them.
We have all been children at some point. Even though we are now adults with the responsibility of raising our children, we can reflect on our own childhood experiences. Reflection has never hurt anyone… I think…
You need to reflect on your own childhood. Look inward. Think about why you behave the way you do. Why don’t you let your son date that girl? You used to get quite irritated when your parents tried to control your private (especially, your romantic) life.
Why do you show disappointment when your son gets an A rather than an A+? Don’t you remember when you thought nothing you did was good enough for your parents? Didn’t that feeling chase you throughout your entire academic journey?
Even if the ways of parenting are ingrained in us, introspection and reflection are the first steps toward becoming the best parents we can be.
Sometimes we need a little help. Our partner can give us some positive tips. Or perhaps a friend who also has children. Social support is always essential and necessary, especially in cases like parenting.
But the most important aspect lies within ourselves. We want the best for our children, and sometimes we may not be able to give it to them because of our childhood. The process of understanding ourselves and healing can be a long, roller-coaster ride. But it is imperative that we do it so that our children can be happy and develop fully.
