Pacman vs. Lagman

Pacman vs. Lagman

Congressman Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao, returning a “hero” after he beat Shane Mosley, interpellated congressman Edcel Lagman on the floor of the House of Representatives. Lagman is in favor of the Reproductive Health (RH) bill, which is now pending in the House, while Pacman is against it. The following is a blow-by-blow account of their bout:

Pacman: Mr. Speaker, I rise to interpret the gentleman from Albay on his stand on the RH bill.
Speaker: Interpret? Or do you mean to say, interpellate?

Pacman: Same thing, same thing.
Speaker: For the information of the gentleman from Sarangani, “interpret” and “interpellate” are not the same thing. Which one would it be, Mr. Congressman?

Pacman: Interpolate? Hmm… Listen, all I want is to ask the gentleman from Albay a few questions, okey?
Speaker: It’s not interpolate, it’s interpellate!

Pacman: Same thing, same thing.
Speaker: Okay, okay. Shoot!

Pacman: Huh? Bang! Bang!
Speaker: What I mean is go ahead and ask your questions.

Pacman: Well, you said, “shoot,” and that’s what I did. Bang! Bang! He he he…
Lagman: Mr. Speaker, may I ask that you tell the gentleman from Sarangani to stop his antics.

Speaker: Will the gentleman from Sarangani stop his antics?
Pacman: Mr. Speaker, I am a world champion, not an antique!

Speaker: Okay, okay. Let’s move on, Mr. Champion!
Pacman: Mr. Speaker, I move that we kill the Reproductive Health bill because it’s killing babies.

Lagman: Point of order, Mr. Speaker. We’re debating the bill, not voting on it.
Speaker: The gentleman from Sarangani is out of order. Please proceed with your interpellation of the gentleman from Albay.

Pacman: Mr. Speaker, I’m not out of order. Actually, I’m in good shape after beating Mosley in the ring. He he he…
Speaker: Okay, okay. Proceed with your interpret… Interpol… shucks! I mean, interpellation! Whew! Maloloko ako.

Pacman: Okey, Mr. Speaker, my first question is: Does the RH bill require men to use condoms?
Lagman: That’s one method of artificial contraception that can be used.

Pacman: Does it require women to take birth control pills?
Lagman: That’s another method of artificial contraception.

Pacman: I believe that any method of artificial contraception is a sin. Don’t you think so?
Lagman: Well, I read it in the newspapers that your wife was taking birth control pills until you took a stand against the RH bill.

Pacman: Well… err… I wasn’t aware of that.
Lagman: And is it true that you were using condoms, as well?

Pacman: I wasn’t aware… err… I mean… err… Hey! I’m supposed to be the one asking questions, not you!
Lagman: Do I take it then that you’re not denying using condoms, Mr. Champion?

Pacman: Mr. Speaker, the gentleman from Albay is out of order!
Lagman: Mr. Speaker, I’m just trying to make a point that if it’s okay for the gentleman from Sarangani to use condoms why shouldn’t it be okay for all men to use condoms? And if it’s also okay for his wife to use birth control pills, why shouldn’t it be okay for all women to use birth control pills?

Speaker: The gentleman from Albay is in order to ask the interpellator questions to support his own arguments. Continue.
Pacman: I want to be on record that I believe that the best method to control birth is cebilacy.

Lagman: Cebilacy? What is that?
Speaker: I think what Mr. Champion meant was “celibacy,” right?
Pacman: Same thing, same thing.

Lagman: Is the gentleman from Sarangani then saying that he is practicing cebilacy… I mean celibacy, because he is no longer using condoms and his wife is no longer taking birth control pills?
Pacman: I’m not practicing cebilacy right now cuz I want to make more babies. I have four kids right now and I want 10 more! So for the next 20 years, no condoms, no birth control pills, no cebilacy.

Lagman: You want to have 10 more children? You are contributing to overpopulation, Mr. Champion!
Pacman: I’m just obeying what God told me to do: “Go and multiply.” Besides, the great politician Amang Rodriguez used to say, “Politics is addition.” And since I believe in God and I’m also a politician, my slogan is very simple: “Multiply and add.”

Lagman: Mr. Speaker, I think I’m going crazy! I quit!
Speaker: Me, too!