(On the Tendency to Badmouth Someone after Breaking Away with That Person)
Marami ka na bang nakaaway sa buhay mo? Napansin mo ba na ang karamihan sa mga taong ito ay minsan mong mga naging kaibigan? Wag kang mag-alala dahil hindi ka naman nag-iisa.
The reason I don’t find reconnecting with old friends difficult or even with friends with whom I had a bit of a falling out in the past is because I rarely burn bridges. Meaning, whenever I become estranged with someone for whatever reason, I never badmouth this person to others no matter what. I keep my sentiments with my better half or to anyone I trust very much. If I have to share the story of what happened, it’s always in an objective and non-sarcastic manner. This way, I don’t have anything to be ashamed of or hide from that person in case we saw each other again.
Many people fail in this. When they fall out of a relationship with a friend or anyone, they tend to gossip or tell bad things about that person. The problem arises when they encounter the people they have been gossiping about—they either hide or feel awkward or utter a hypocritical smile as if nothing happened.
I—have fallen out of friendship or even acquaintanceship with several people in my life for reasons I will no longer divulge. But, I never badmouth these people in a bitter or sour way. If I have to share the story, I do it objectively and I express my sincere sadness for the loss of such a good relationship.
Sa Madaling Salita
Hindi mo na dapat pang siraan pa kung kani-kanino ang iyong mga nakakaaway para lang makakuha ng simpatiya sa mga taong hindi mo rin naman mga malalapit na kaibigan. Isa sa mga magandang suhestiyón ay ang wag na lang pansinin ang mga taong ito, para sakaling masalubong mo man sila e wala kang dapat itago o iwasan.
Or, in Simple Words
If you happen to sever ties with a friend or someone, control yourself not to gossip about this person. If you need to vent your frustration and hurt feelings, share these only with people you have trust and confidence in. Be objective about the experience. Don’t go out and share the stories to almost anyone.
That way, whenever you encounter these people—remember, one’s social world is really small–you can look at them without the need to utter that hypocritical smile and nasal hello or you can simply look away and ignore them without feeling guilty or feeling you have something to hide.